Whether you’ve been snooping or just inadvertently spotted something when he left his phone lying around, the discovery that your partner has a gay hook-up app on his smartphone may come as a surprise.
It may be more than a surprise if you believe yourself to be in a monogamous relationship.
Below are some of the so-called explanations we have heard, along with a reality check for each.
1. ‘I’m just keeping in touch with friends’
Reality check: Sorry. ‘Friends’? Are you sure you’re not just talking about guys you fancy and have flirted with online?
If you’ve genuinely made an online friendship – and yes, this does actually happen, perhaps over a mutual hobby or interest – then you swap numbers and/or WhatsApp each other. It’s not a reason to continue to be on Grindr if you’ve supposedly committed yourself to a monogamous relationship.
2. ‘I just like looking at pictures’
Reality check: We all like looking at pictures. That’s why Instagram and Tumblr exist. And they offer the benefit of gifs and videos, too. Again, it’s not an excuse to still have Scruff, Growlr, Grindr, et al, hidden away in your cell.
3. ‘I didn’t even realize that app was still on my phone’
4. ‘I’m just like talking dirty with other guys – it’s not like I’m having sex with them’
Reality check: This is a little like going on a diet but visiting you’re local cake shop because you want to stare at the pretty cakes in the window. Why torture yourself? Why thrust temptation in your face? What would you do if a super hot guy says he wants to do more than to just talk and he happens to live close to you?
If you truly get a kick from talking dirty or swapping photos with other guys, it’s a good idea to discuss that with your partner and check they don’t mind. If they’re happy about it, go for it.
5. ‘I’m a journalist and I’m researching a story’
Ohh, is it just us that use this one? This one’s actually completely true. Honest.
On a more serious note, trust is very important in any relationship. If you and your partner have agreed to have an open relationship, or that it’s OK to flirt online with other guys, there is no reason to question the presence of dating apps on a partner’s phone. Hook-up apps can be a wonderful way to connect with others.
However, if you have both agreed to have a monogamous relationship, the appearance of hook-up apps will inevitably prompt suspicion.
The vast majority of guys on hook-ups apps use them for one reason and one reason only: to meet other guys.
And if you’re the one with the app on your phone, be truthful with yourself about the reasons why: You can’t be honest to a partner if you’re not being honest to yourself.
Heard any other excuses? Post your comments below.